That you were not content with your life as it was right then, but you didn't know how to make it better?
That nothing was necessarily going wrong, but something didn't feel right, either?
Or that you had a big decision to make, and had no idea what you should do?
Well I can't speak for you, but I've felt this way a lot in recent years. I guess it all started when I began looking at colleges. They all sort of looked the same to me: big buildings, thousands of students, lots of different majors, teachers and classes. The possibilities were endless.
The decision fell completely in my lap: where to go, what to major in, what to do with my life. And I had no idea.
I finally made the decision to go to ACU (mainly because it cost about $10,000 less a year than Baylor, the other school I had been seriously considering). I honestly don't even know how I heard of ACU. I think I got one of those colorful little pamphlets in the mail or something. In any case, I chose ACU. And in the nearly three years I've been here, I have learned one thing above all else: Life Is What You Make It.
That probably sounds cliched, oh well.
I worked my way through my freshman year, and as the majority of college freshmen will tell you, it was quite the transition. I'm not really talking about being away from my parents or having more responsibility. For me the biggest change was that suddenly, I had no close friends. In high school, I had developed a very good group of friends. In fact, as of this Christmas break, most of us are still hanging out regularly when we are at home. And it was great, I always had people who I could turn to, loyal friends who loved me and whom I loved.
But at ACU, I knew no one. Only like three other people from my high school class were going to ACU, and although I knew and liked them, I was not particularly close to any of them. So I had to basically start from scratch. Fortunately, I was blessed to have a great group of people in my U-100 class (basically an Intro to College class for anyone not from ACU reading this). We all hung out a lot that first semester. And I made a few other close friends in that first semester. Still, it wasn't even close to what I had had in high school. And I wanted that, I wanted more. During my second semester, I tried to find this. Let's just say I didn't find it. At all.
It was tough. I won't depress you with the details, but I started to hate ACU. And for about two semesters, I seriously considered transferring. I didn't even have a clue as to where I would go. I just knew (at that time) that ACU wasn't the place for me...
(to be continued)
Pee-kay...I empathize on a bunch of levels.
ReplyDelete"Life is what you make it". There's a lot of truth to that. You can change your circumstance, in this case college choice. I've tried that. The drag is it is never better. It's just different. It's not better or worse.
"Life is what you make it". You can choose to not be content with where you are, or you can make the most of every opportunity that comes your way. You can choose to spend your free time intentionally seeking out opportunities that might give you that something extra your looking for.
I think the deeper issue your struggling with your identity. If you're like me, you might subconsciously define yourself by what you do, who you know, your FRIENDS, the academia of your school, your talents, etc.
Know this. You are Paul Knettel. There's a lot that comes with a name, and maybe that's why someone's full name is used sparingly. It exposes who we are. And let me tell you, Paul, you are enough as you are.
Call/message me if you need anything or just want a listening ear.
Oh yeah, I forgot to address one more thing.
ReplyDeleteWhile good friends help us find direction in life, they don't define us as a person.
Oh. And while good friends usually are within close proximity, sometimes they live in Tennessee.